I have been meditating and thinking about the subject of our own worth. I wonder why it is so easy for so many to determine our worth based on another. We get into relationships, be it friendships, lovers, co-workers and we will not always have happy endings to these. People hurt each other, betray each other and leave each other, that is part of life. When we are the ones being hurt, betrayed and left we are often left to wonder what we did, what was wrong with us, why did this happen to me. I was recently driving to work and a flash of my last relationship hit me and my first thought was sadness and what was wrong with me that it ended the way it did. I then wondered why was I thinking this way, why was I taking into me the totality of a relationship that was between two people. Why was I basing my worth on the ending of a relationship that was not all my fault, nor what I wanted.
It is this question that I think we should all meditate on as we pass through a universal energy that is asking us to delve deeper into ourselves to heal, let go and quit letting our wounds control our worth. We have the power to stop thinking a certain way, we all carry this power within ourselves but we often forget. Often it is a loved one, friend or even a new lover who reminds us that we are beautiful and worthy of love, helping us to see our own worth again. I wish that every human would not intentionally hurt another living breathing soul but I know this is not reality. I do know though that we can each do our part to push this healing energy to the forefront and thus allowing it to be felt and used by others. Build a bridge inside of yourself and cross that ocean of all of those shattered dreams, broken hearts, inner demons, deep wounds and move on. If we can learn to love through our pain and grief we have opened our hearts when it was the hardest to do so, but this is when true growth starts. I know how hard it is to get up and move on, for this is my biggest lesson. Letting go and moving on is not in my vocabulary, I hold on for dear life.
Memories can sometimes be our most powerful tool or our own undoing, this is our choice. I often wonder why my relationships did not work, why certain friendships ended and I can dwell in these memories but I do not allow myself to stay there or I know I will never leave. I have met people who cannot leave their past or people behind, they live in these memories, dreams and in a reality of their own creation. For some this is a form of self, a way to survive but I would never advise someone to live this half-life. Reality is often ugly and harsh but it can also be beautiful and full of magic. I am working daily on inner peace, what it is, what it means to me and how I can better myself, become a healthier happier me. I realize that like everything in life nothing that is easy is ever worth it.
I am often blessed by the universe with amazing people that are often put in my path at the exact moment I need them or they need me. It is a gift that I think is bestowed on many, but is often overlooked. I think if we all try to be more aware and conscious of life and ourselves, our inner truths that we can then become more connected to the whole. I struggle on a daily basis with my emotions, sometimes I let them take me back to that dark place and let them guide me to healing. Some days I lose and I can’t get out of bed, I mourn the people I lost, I dwell on my mistakes, I feel less than and worthless, I view the world as a scary and hurtful place; but there are many days where I win the war, battle by battle with sadness, anxiety and depression. I try to make people laugh, to see the best in the world. Every day is a new opportunity to win!!
So you see our worth does not have to be so difficult to find, for it was within us all the time, hidden in that deep part we hide. Let it out, let it soar, do not let others define it, do not define yourself by others, let your heart define you, your courage, your passion, your beauty, LOVE…let that define you…