Questioning Our Worth…

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I have been meditating and thinking about the subject of our own worth. I wonder why it is so easy for so many to determine our worth based on another. We get into relationships, be it friendships, lovers, co-workers and we will not always have happy endings to these. People hurt each other, betray each other and leave each other, that is part of life. When we are the ones being hurt, betrayed and left we are often left to wonder what we did, what was wrong with us, why did this happen to me. I was recently driving to work and a flash of my last relationship hit me and my first thought was sadness and what was wrong with me that it ended the way it did. I then wondered why was I thinking this way, why was I taking into me the totality of a relationship that was between two people. Why was I basing my worth on the ending of a relationship that was not all my fault, nor what I wanted.worth_2

It is this question that I think we should all meditate on as we pass through a universal energy that is asking us to delve deeper into ourselves to heal, let go and quit letting our wounds control our worth. We have the power to stop thinking a certain way, we all carry this power within ourselves but we often forget. Often it is a loved one, friend or even a new lover who reminds us that we are beautiful and worthy of love, helping us to see our own worth again. I wish that every human would not intentionally hurt another living breathing soul but I know this is not reality. I do know though that we can each do our part to push this healing energy to the forefront and thus allowing it to be felt and used by others. Build a bridge inside of yourself and cross that ocean of all of those shattered dreams, broken hearts, inner demons, deep wounds and move on. If we can learn to love through our pain and grief we have opened our hearts when it was the hardest to do so, but this is when true growth starts. I know how hard it is to get up and move on, for this is my biggest lesson. Letting go and moving on is not in my vocabulary, I hold on for dear liferumi-suresh.

Memories can sometimes be our most powerful tool or our own undoing, this is our choice. I often wonder why my relationships did not work, why certain friendships ended and I can dwell in these memories but I do not allow myself to stay there or I know I will never leave. I have met people who cannot leave their past or people behind, they live in these memories, dreams and in a reality of their own creation. For some this is a form of self, a way to survive but I would never advise someone to live this half-life. Reality is often ugly and harsh but it can also be beautiful and full of magic. I am working daily on inner peace, what it is, what it means to me and how I can better myself, become a healthier happier me. I realize that like everything in life nothing that is easy is ever worth it.

I am often blessed by the universe with amazing people that are often put in my path at the exact moment I need them or they need me. It is a gift that I think is bestowed on many, but is often overlooked. I think if we all try to be more aware and conscious of life and ourselves, our inner truths that we can then become more connected to the whole. I struggle on a daily basis with my emotions, sometimes I let them take me back to that dark place and let them guide me to healing. Some days I lose and I can’t get out of bed, I mourn the people I lost, I dwell on my mistakes, I feel less than and worthless, I view the world as a scary and hurtful place; but there are many days where I win the war, battle by battle with sadness, anxiety and depression. I try to make people laugh, to see the best in the world. Every day is a new opportunity to win!!

So you see our worth does not have to be so difficult to find, for it was within us all the time, hidden in that deep part we hide. Let it out, let it soar, do not let others define it, do not define yourself by others, let your heart define you, your courage, your passion, your beauty, LOVE…let that define you…

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“Love… is everywhere but V-Day”

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Since its that time that many people are scrambling to buy chocolates and flowers as a way to express their dying devotion to another or else scrambling to find a last minute date to prove they are not the loser they feel they must be since they are still single; well I feel inclined to write a post about love as it is to me. To all this I say, guess what…you are missing the entire concept of loving both yourself and another. It should not take one day to prove your worth or worthlessness or your devotion to another. These are things that should be done continuously and with purpose of growing and evolving with another. Even if you are single this is what we should all be working towards for the purpose of the future so you are whole for your future mate, your growth and evolution must come first so that you are 100%. Our worth should not be based on opening a card, eating a box of candy or smelling the flowers. It should be based on our truth, our passion, loves, our strength and our character. Dating is hard, and as we get into this internet age its even harder to find that person to connect to, that said when you find that person who you have that electrical connection, who makes you stir with passion and you cant stop holding their hand or kissing them, keep them. Work at it, step up and be an active member in your relationship. Don’t give up when its hard, don’t quit on the other person, the best things in life come with work and that goes for love as well.

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It takes courage to love, it takes strength and patience but it also takes giving a fuck about another human being and their wants, desires and feelings. I have seen so much selfishness lately in love and dating, cowardliness, running away, deception and its debilitating to my soul. We should not be in this world to see what we can take from each other, what we can manipulate someone into giving us or what we can acquire from another. We should be here to give to each other, to teach, learn, grow and evolve ultimately through love. It is through connections that we grow, and though these connections may not last forever we should learn to leave them with the grace and love just as we entered into them. My hope is that if love fades and we leave it is done with kindness, so that what is carried within is good positive karma. Leaving is never easy, not for the person being left nor the person doing the leaving but if we leave with cruelty, anger and vengeance that leaves another broken we are acquiring that karma that will be carried until it has been worked through, a crappy karmic circle. Who wants to carry all that shitty karma, why not just have the balls to talk and be honest and leave the other person with a sense of closure. We should give to another what they deserve from us, and in that we would also get from them what we too deserve. It is not a one way street, upon giving we are receiving, its not so tricky as it may seem. It is not as elusive as we all sometimes perceive it to be. In taking you are only taking, in loving you are both giving and receiving love back from the greater energy that is in all of us.

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I am most proud of always trying, of having strength to not run away from love, friends, or jobs. Ok sometimes I was a stupid asshole that held on tenaciously when I should have jut let it free…but we are all sometimes weak and ultimately will walk away from something, and sometimes this is done in our best interest. It is my hope that when this is done, it is done with kindness and not with anger or revenge so that we will all grow just a little in our spectrum of energy. Imagine if we all did this, what a huge growth of goodness would come of this. We are not here to be broken but to heal and work towards wholeness; but life is life and we are often broken, shattered humans walking around trying to find a piece to fit inside of us. Thinking that it is another that will ultimately make us happy, to fulfill our lives. What we should be looking for someone to compliment us not to complete us, and often this is confused. “you complete me” is total bullshit, you are you and should complete yourself, love yourself enough to not need the love but instead want it in your life. We should not have to save or heal our partners to love us, we should never settle for less than we deserve, for those half-loves, broken promises, dreams left undone, love left unsaid kind of love.

We reap what we sow, we get what we give, our lessons will be given until we learn, our karma will be with us until we work through it. Life is short, we never know when we may go to that great gig in the sky so be kind, love fiercely and with hope, without fear and regrets, these are what I want for all of us. Look for that someone that makes you laugh, that makes your heart flip flop at the mere sight of them, that ignites passion deep inside of you. The person who wants to be better for you not because of you. Love everyday and not just on some crappy holiday that tells us to. Happy un-valentines day my fellow humans….