I saw my heart today, listening to the sounds the valves made, felt the warm gel on my chest. It was magical seeing the beating of my heart, it was not broken, it was still beating. I was surprised by the level of peace and emotion it brought in me. The soft whoosh sound of the womb, blood flowing within us, so peaceful and comforting. Since my father died so suddenly, the emptiness he left has been unbearable at times, but my echo-cardiogram brought a bittersweet realization. He is not gone, his blood beats in my heart, his genetics are ME, he lives on in me. As I sat watching my heart, listening to it I thought I heard his laughter, whispering to me these things. I felt alive in that moment, and I wanted to make my heart proud, to make him proud. Responsibility, I will forever hear my father in my heart, I will remember the destiny of our DNA that entwines us.
Often when we are little we put our ears on our parents chest, as we grow, upon the chest of our lovers; we are soothed by the rhythmic beating of their hearts. It is the sound of life, a binding to us. We are taught our heart is the giver of love, that if we give it to another we are giving a piece of ourselves. This magic, this power we all hold in us, it beats everyday as a reminder that we are all connected, that life goes on. We hold a responsibility to honor it, to honor ourselves, to honor others. If we are given the heart of someone, to love it the way we would like ours to be loved.
Responsibility, this word keeps resonating in my mind. The feeling of feeling responsible for ourselves, for others, their sadness or happiness, of trying to fix what is not ours that is broken and why do we not feel as responsible for our happiness. I know there is a lesson in this, that we cannot hide behind other peoples pain to forget our own. I have always struggled with guilt, born out of my childhood, and the need to take on other peoples pain and traumas. I am a healer, a fixer, and at the core of this is my heart. My heart reminds me that I must honor it, honor myself. I must see its strength to heal, to feel it beating still, the blood in and out, piece by piece, becoming whole. Put your hand to your chest every morning, feel it beating, and remember that is your destiny, to live. I hope you my reader to find the same magic within yourself, the awakening of self. We all have a choice, everyday to start over, to become who we wish, hope to be. We are fluid beings, not meant to be static but instead to flow with the ever changing universal energy.
This lifetime, however you believe it to be; your first and only or your 100th, we still have an obligation to live it, with depth, grace and courage. To take responsibility for our actions, our regrets, our mistakes, and to let them be our growth, our healers, our lessons. Of course we don’t have to choose the difficult path of growth, we can stay static and thus become stagnant beings. That is our choice, our free will. There will always be those who choose the easy path, who want everything to be easy, given to them and that is the saddest thing the universe feels. They are losing out on such beauty, for even through hardship or grief there lies beauty, hidden behind some deeper meaning. It lies in how you choose to see it, to deal with it; With grace and courage or with fear and resentment. Sometimes the universe only gives us one chance for a lesson, other times it keeps bringing it back over and over until you learn it. Those are the lessons we should see as the most important, for it wants you so badly to get it right. I wish so much love and light to the world, that we all are given the ability to see our lessons of this lifetime. At the crossroads of life, take the winding thorny path, just bring a set of shears and wear a sweater….